What do you call cheese that’s not yours? Stolen.
Michael Richards learned that punch line Saturday after, authorities said, he scuffled with a 7-Eleven cashier on Chicago’s Near West Side who tried to stop him from helping himself to the nacho fixings.
Richards, 50, of Chicago, bought a bag of chips from the store, then began pumping hot cheese from the toppings bar into the open bag, authorities said. But the cashier warned him that the nacho toppings bar is for use only by customers who purchase tortilla chips served in a traditional plastic tray, according to court records.
Richards continued to add zest to his chips as he threatened the cashier, authorities said. When the cashier tried to stop him, he grabbed and twisted her arm, then fled, according to court records.
The cashier called police, and Richards was arrested about two blocks away. On Sunday, after spending the night in jail, Richards stood before Cook County Judge James Brown in bond court, facing felony charges.
“So what was stolen was … the cheese?” the judge asked, casting a quizzical gaze at Assistant State’s Attorney Dan Piwowarczyk.
“The defendant was informed that it was ‘not yo’ cheese,'” the prosecutor deadpanned.
Brown set Richards’ bond at $10,000.