Food Fight: Victim Bludgeoned With Tub of Imitation Butter


SEATTLE — In an incident that contains all the illegality of regular assault but with 70 percent less saturated fat, a wheelchair-bound man was bludgeoned with a tub of I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter! last Wednesday in South Lake Union.

According to the Seattle Police Department’s report, the victim, who lives in a shelter at 1811 Eastlake Avenue, was confronted by another resident, who accused the victim of having his television turned up too loud.

Joseph V. Floyd Jr., 58, repeatedly hit the victim over the head with a 16-ounce tub of I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter!, according to the report. Officers arrived to find the victim covered in the imitation butter.

According to the report, the suspect told officers he poured the fake butter on the victim but denied hitting him with the tub.

The suspect was arrested and booked into King County Jail.


Food Fight: Woman Sprays Soy Sauce and Chocolate Milk on Restaurant Patrons

Seattle_International_Dist_Chinatown_Gate_webSEATTLE – A 52-year-old woman was arrested Saturday on suspicion of covering an International District restaurant’s customers, including a baby, with soy sauce and chocolate milk.

According to police, the woman entered Dim Sum King around 1 p.m. and told everyone inside to go back to China.

After flipping over some plates, the woman spit on a man and squirted him and his baby with soy sauce before spraying other customers with a container of chocolate milk she was carrying, according to police.

When officers arrived, the woman reportedly slapped one of them in the arm. She was arrested and booked into King County Jail for investigation of harassment and assaulting an officer.

Bloody Brawl In Rikers Island Prison Over Grilled Cheese Sandwich


In the big boy bing of Rikers Island in New York City, inmates started a bloody brawl over a grilled cheese sandwich. Sh-t is real, bruh.

The New York Daily News reports:

A wild gang fight involving as many as 50 inmates on Rikers Island went on for nearly an hour, sources said Thursday. The violent melee was triggered over a grilled cheese sandwich, a jail insider said. Members of the Trinitarians, a Dominican gang, were upset their rival Crips were not letting them use a hot plate to cook the snack.

In video of the bloody Aug. 5 brawl obtained by WABC/Ch. 7, inmates are seen tossing chairs and attacking each other with mop sticks while a group of officers looked on in horror.

One inmate also hurled hot water and several were slashed during the fight at the George R. Vierno Center on Rikers Island, according to sources.

Eleven inmates, some with serious stab wounds, and one officer, were injured during the roughly 45 minute fight. There is currently an investigation to find out why the brawl lasted so long. The fighting didn’t stop until both sides agreed to end the fracas and seek medical attention for their injured.

Swedish Thieves Steal $1K of Ben & Jerry’s But Forget Ice Cream Melts

chunkymonkeyPublished: 21 Aug 2013 14:43 GMT+02:00
Thieves in eastern Sweden have been left red-faced after their loot of Ben & Jerry’s ice cream worth 9,000 kronor ($1,380) melted during their failed getaway.The two thieves struck a truck parked outside a wholesale centre in Gävle on Sweden’s east coast on Tuesday morning, but a security guard noticed the pair mid-heist and gave chase.

The thieves dumped their stolen treats during the getaway, but the guard managed to catch one of them, an 18-year-old man, while his accomplice escaped.

“As I understand it, all the ice cream was still (in the bags). And a lot of it had melted so it had to be thrown away,” Mikael Hedström, spokesman for the Gävle police, told the Aftonbladet newspaper. “This is one of the most unusual crimes I’ve been involved in.”

The 18-year-old has been detained on the suspicion of theft, while the police are still on the hunt for his accomplice.


Woman Dislocates Jaw Biting Into Oversized Bacon Cheese Burger


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Nicola Peate is still recovering from a dislocated jaw she sustained while attempting to bite into a triple-patty burger that pokes fun at fat American youths.

While on a night out at Almost Famous Burgers & Booze in Liverpool, Peate ordered the “Kids in America” burger, which comes complete with pretzels, candied bacon, and three beef patties.

While attempting to get her mouth around the sandwich, Peate says she experienced a sudden tongue “cramp.” Being a trooper, the 25-year-old still tried to finish her food with a fork and knife, but found that her mouth could no longer fully open.

The pain later spread to the rest of her head, and by the following day she realized she needed to seek medical attention. An X-ray confirmed her suspicion: She had dislocated her jaw. “I didn’t think I’d dislocated it – you don’t expect it to happen eating a burger,” she told the Press Association. A doctor was able to realign her face with a quick thumb maneuver, and the pain immediately dissipated.

Peate suffers from a condition known as Ehlers-Danlos syndrome, meaning her joints are hyper-flexible. The downside being that she has a higher risk of dislocation. She was warned not to yawn too widely over the next two weeks, and to eat smaller hamburgers.

Being a “social media manager” by trade, some accused Peate of staging a stunt for a client. She denied the claims, tweeting “I do like my job but not enough to dislocate my jaw for a client haha.”


Yogo Truck Driver Pull Knife on Mister Softee Rival in Midtown Ice Cream Turf War

By  and rk Morales, THURSDAY, AUGUST 15, 2013, 3:08 am


Mr Softee driver.  Photo by Sam Costanza.


Yogo Driver. Photo by Sam Costanza.

The incident began when a Yogo truck pulled up near a Mister Softee rival at 50th St. and Sixth Ave. Mister Softee brought a sugar cone to a knife fight.

Two frozen treat slingers were arrested Wednesday after getting their licks in during a midtown turf war that could have become a stabbing, cops said.

The driver of a Mister Softee truck parked at 50th St. and Sixth Ave. became enraged when a Yogo truck pulled up just after 7 p.m., according to police.

The Mister Softee man ripped off the Yogo truck’s permit, and soon both drivers were squaring off, cops said. Then the Yogo driver pulled a knife, police said.

Cops arrived before either man was seriously creamed and both were arrested. They face a rocky road, with charges pending.

Divorced Dad Tries to Avoid Paying Child Support by Poisoning Ex-Wife’s Yogurt

A man was arrested and charged with attempted murder related charges after he tried to kill his former wife by poisoning her yogurt and chocolate, according to police reports in Israel.

Be’er Sheva prosecutors filed charges today in the District Court against a resident of Sderot, who tried several times to poison his former wife after he had a dispute concerning the payment of child support.

The man, 44, planted poison in his former wife’s food at her home and at work. He put deadly poison into her yogurt and her chocolates.

The defendant holds a bachelor’s degree in chemistry and is currently studying medicine and biomedical engineering. The suspect obtained a poison powder called picrotoxin, an extremely toxic substance, which causes spasms and loss of consciousness.

As part of his plan to kill his former wife, the accused sought information online about the poison. He was aware of its strong bitter taste, so he was looking for ways to neutralize or mask the flavor.

According to the indictment, the man put poisoned chocolates on the his former wife’s table at work and at home in her yogurt. Luckily, she tasted the food, felt a strong bitter taste, and immediately stopped eating the yogurt and chocolates.

The man was finally caught red-handed after his daughters saw him in the kitchen of their mother’s home with a syringe in his hand. They told their mother, who called police.